A post from Emily to the unknown.

Hey, my name is Emily. I'm 16 years old and I live in Omaha, Nebraska. I'm a sophomore and I love school (secretly). I hope boot camp isn't too terrible for you. My cousin went in for a while and got out. He told terrible stories. I hope everything is much better for you. I know all the people on here can't really make up for whoever hasn't written you yet, but I'd like to think we could help. After all, I know it always feels better when you know someone cares. I think it's great you contributed to PostSecret. I could never have the guts to send in one of my secrets. But, I've always been afraid of everything. Especially spiders. Just the fact that once you see them, you know there are more, ones you can't see. And they just crawl around without you knowing. Eh, gives me the chills. And the dark. And time. And the future. And making choices. I guess you could say I am afraid of not knowing. I think that's why I like school so much. It has answers. Well, some. I'm not a fan of a lot of the people though. Not that I'm short on friends. It's just some people can be so fake with who they are. Why not put yourself out there if you are running out of time anyways? I'd hate to hide who I am my whole life. Then there is the boys. Talk about teen angst. I spent a year with a guy who was way too old for me and who told me a day after our one year that he was falling out of love with me. Now he's happy and I'm still not over it. I wasted what was left on guys who didn't want me. Well, they did but I hope you get what I mean. It's kind of weird for me now. Everyone around me is growing up but I did mine a long time ago. My mom suffered from strokes when I was in the 7th grade. I spent my summer and the following year in the hospital with her. I never cried. Mostly because I couldn't. Who else would have stayed strong? It really tore the family apart. Once she regained what she had, we all found out she was different. Not her. To me, my mother died. But I hate what's left and I know the rest of my family does too. My father is having an affair and my brother is always in trouble. I feel so sorry for her and what her life must look like now. Certainly not how she pictured it but it's not how we did either. Back in February, my close friend's father killed himself. It was so terrible. I felt like I knew what she was going through in a way. Certainly not entirely. The funeral was so terrible. We all went. I've never seen someone so sad. She loved him so much. Her mom loved him even though they were divorced. They were still such good friends. I'm kind of losing my friends. I keep screwing up and I know I don't deserve them. They are having a hard time understanding what I am going through. So am I. They are great. My friend Taylor, is so funny. She can eat piles of food but she's one of the skinniest people I know. She's one of those stunningly beautiful people that you'd like to hate but she's so sweet and nice and funny and real that you just can't. Sometimes I get jealous of her. Things always go great for her and I try and be happy for her but it's hard when I look at my life and feel so sad. Sometimes I think about running away but I can't imagine a place more beautiful that Nebraska. It's the only think that keeps me here. And the great Mountain Dew slushies at the gas station down the street. They're addicting. And my dog. I love him. He's kind of fat and a little senile but he makes me smile. I love photography and books. I'm in choir and I love to play soccer. I am always looking to change the world but I'm not sure how. Maybe I'll blog later and I hope you read this and get some comfort. No one deserves to be as lonely as me.

Emily